I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
false alarm. still invincible.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
