yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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