She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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