Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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