For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
