i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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