don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
