You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
