Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Two words: blizzard sex
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
