Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
