Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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