this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
