My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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