i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
