The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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