I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
