Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
