Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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