I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
