Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
