i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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