...so i touched it.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize