i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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