i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
