Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
