I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
