i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
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It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
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Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
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