i think my tv is drunk
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
