I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
