She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Found the puke drawer
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
