lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
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