it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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