i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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