Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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