I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
