Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
