remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Randomize
