My boss' voice literally gives me gas
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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