If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
