i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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