Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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