Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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