i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Bring me that man meat
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
