Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
