Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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