Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
