Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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