Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
