you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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