im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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