I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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