Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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