Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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