i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.