My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...