How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
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we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
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I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant