I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
