How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
19 Movie Extras Reveal What It’s Like To Work With Celebrities
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.