Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
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The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
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I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it