There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
