Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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