after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
