Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
