she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
