I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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