these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
