fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i may or may not be watching the land before time
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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