Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
