As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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