How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize