His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
