I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
