I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
