Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
