You're so nebulous sometimes
i need an iv and a liver transplant
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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