Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
