im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
