My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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