Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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