Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
