We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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