I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
