Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Randomize
